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                <a class="post-title-link" href="/2019/03/11/今日咸鱼/" itemprop="url">今日咸鱼</a></h1>
        

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            <p>RT</p>
<hr>
<p>上次在公众号里看到“谁不是一边丧的要死，一边努力生活呢？”，深以为然。</p>
<p>我大学错过的事情，最可惜的是很努力很努力的三年吧。我只是一般般努力了三年，有很多事情没做好。</p>
<p>希望你的内心能变得强大起来。</p>
<hr>
<ul>
<li><del>希望我能找到一个穿巫女服好看而且会拉小提琴的女朋友。</del></li>
<li>关于桔梗的命运，还有很多感慨想写。周末再写吧。</li>
</ul>
<hr>
<p>今天有些难过，我发现我似乎一点都不了解我一个朝夕相处的同学。I don’t know who she dresses up for tonight. I don’t know who she went to a movie with. I know nothing about her though we study together everyday.</p>

          
        
      
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                <a class="post-title-link" href="/2019/03/10/犬夜叉看哭了/" itemprop="url">犬夜叉看哭了</a></h1>
        

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            <p>这两天一直在咸鱼。把《犬夜叉》重温了一遍。</p>
<p>小时候和小姨一起看，没有什么感觉。长大了看才发现这个故事里面那么多的悲情色彩。</p>
<p>桔梗是最打动我的人物。她背负的沉重的责任，悲剧的宿命，以及对犬刻骨铭心的爱，让这个人物深深地吸引了我。</p>
<p>她身上的悲剧色彩太重了，以至于她每次出场的气氛都是沉重的。她的命运，从她小时候被发觉拥有强大的灵力开始，就注定了其悲剧性。当她接过四魂之玉时，她接过的是一条从起点到终点都是死亡的道路——她将作为“四魂之玉的守护巫女”，无休无止地和抢夺玉的妖怪战斗，不断地杀死它们，直到某天被它们杀死。</p>
<p>她背负的责任太过承重，但是这是她的选择，她身上有“圣女”的特质——强大而慈悲。她心地如此柔软，以至于连鬼蜘蛛那样不值得拯救的人，她也愿意不辞辛苦地照顾他。她的生活又如此血腥，每日每夜都在战斗，手上染的妖怪的血腥浓重到她自己都厌恶自己（她问犬：你觉得我像是人类吗？）。</p>
<p>她从不向外人示弱，因为她是守护巫女，不能让妖怪有机可乘。在和犬越来越近的时候，在她开始向往一段爱情的时候，她不止一次地问犬：“我真的可以吗？”——她不敢相信走在修罗路上的自己能奢求拥有爱情，奢求一个普通女孩拥有的权利。<br>她如此高傲，又如此自卑。</p>
<p>犬夜叉的命运也有类似的悲剧性：半妖的血统让他被两界排斥在外，独自漂泊两百年。他憎恨半妖的称呼，渴望成为真正的妖怪，得到超越他父亲的力量。但是他渴望的真的是力量吗？当他和桔梗相爱，他毫不犹豫就表示愿意成为人类和她生活在一起——他真正寻求的，只是一群接纳他的人，一个温暖的家庭而已。</p>
<p>背负着沉重命运的“四魂之玉的守护巫女”，犯了一个错误——她爱上那个同样有着悲剧性命运的半妖。他们的爱，源于同病相怜的孤独产生的灵魂共鸣。犬虽然智商比较低（吐槽一下），但是他本性善良，从不欺凌弱小，有自己的原则，他寻求力量只是想得到妖界的认可，因为这些他一点点靠近了桔梗的心，最后和她相爱了。两个悲剧性的命运之间的羁绊，一切令人向往的美好宿命般地被撕碎时的惨烈，真是令人潸然泪下。（我是作者我都下不了笔啊）</p>
<p>桔梗的命运，如前文所说，是注定悲剧的。四魂之玉是几乎所有妖怪都觊觎的宝物，她作为守护巫女，不是不停地杀死妖怪，就是被妖怪杀死。她的直接死因是奈落的偷袭。奈落攻击她的动机极为复杂，妒忌、爱慕、占有欲、憎恨夹杂在一起。但是从结果来看，是桔梗放松了警惕，于是被趁机偷袭的妖怪打成重伤，最后不治身亡。其实，这不过是她作为守护巫女的宿命，不是吗？即使没有奈落，只要四魂之玉还在，她总有一天会死于守护四魂之玉（她自己也清楚这个命运）。</p>
<p>正因如此，命运沉重如她，是不该奢求爱情的，因为这会让她变得有弱点——如同椿所说，要成为强大的巫女，就要摒弃人类的情感。但是，“爱情来得就像龙卷风啊”。</p>
<p>最后，命运（作者酱）开始了它残酷的表演。</p>
<p>在约定之日的清晨，桔梗拿着四魂之玉赶去赴约。她担心犬等他太久，气喘吁吁地跑过去；趁犬还没来，悄悄抹上犬送给她的口红。她脸上掩不住的笑意，她一定在想等会见到犬他会有多高兴。这里没有身经百战的强大巫女，只有一个在等待心上人的恋爱中的少女。</p>
<p>也是这时候，她的警惕降到了最低，于是奈落从背后发起偷袭，几乎杀死了她。</p>
<hr>
<p>太晚了，不写了。还有一些感想，明天再写吧。</p>
<p>桔梗的悲剧真的是，很震撼了。</p>
<p>ref：《犬夜叉》（tv版）146-147话</p>

          
        
      
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            <p> 今日咸鱼</p>

          
        
      
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            <h1 id="done"><a href="#done" class="headerlink" title="done"></a>done</h1><ul>
<li>今晚终于写完了综述。还待完善。</li>
<li>报了考试的名，分别在两个月和两个半月后。这是最后一战，我要下定决心，已经退无可退了。不要再重蹈覆辙！</li>
</ul>
<h1 id="真正重要的是：成长"><a href="#真正重要的是：成长" class="headerlink" title="真正重要的是：成长"></a>真正重要的是：成长</h1><p>是微思教育组织的线上讲座（虽然我一说我学校微思的客服就没有再回过我……）。</p>
<p>聂mm学姐是BIT 15级的光电系学生。申请三维是：GPA 91，T 105，G 322。有两段研究经历，分别在BIT和澳国立，有一篇会议论文非一二三作。她大二考完了语言，之后没有再想刷分而是选择多去做科研（也许对我来说并不晚呢）。</p>
<p>这场讲座的最大的收获是她做研究的心路历程。学姐和我很像，没有什么太好的背景，当时为了申请到好的学校就很浮躁地进入科研，总想着发论文，后来心态慢慢转变。她说的一些话点醒了我。</p>
<blockquote>
<p>不要太以目标为导向，这样心态会很浮躁。结果真的那么重要吗？真正重要的是从每一段经历中学到东西。</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>因为学校什么的也只是个平台，最后最重要的还是你自己的水平，提升自己的能力才是最重要的。</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p>以你现在的眼界，你很难预料到未来会发生什么，因为现在的眼界真的很有限。当然我们要去做一些规划，努力达到一些预料之内的目标。但是不要去为未来太过焦虑，因为那些改变你人生轨迹的事情，很可能是在你预料之外的。更重要的是把手头的事情做好。也许某一天机会就出现了，但是你能把握住机会的原因肯定是你做好了足够的准备。所以——活在当下就好~</p>
</blockquote>
<p>是啊。人生是关于成长的。我一直为不理想的结果而痛苦，为不确定的未来而焦虑。但是，真正重要的是你从经历中学习到了什么，而不只是一个结果；重要的是你有没有在当下全力以赴，你有没有足够的能力把握住机会，而不是现在在哪。子曰“不患无位，患所以立”，我现在才更加明白。</p>
<p>虽然未来是不确定的——我能去哪读书？我能拿到哪里的博士学位？我会找到top学校的教职吗？我会不会一生都很平庸？——我不知道答案，但是如果我每天都全力以赴地去学习工作，每天都比昨天更intelligent,  professional，这种生活状态难道不是很棒吗？我在哪里也许并不那么重要，重要的是——成长啊。</p>
<p>活在当下。</p>
<p>非常感谢那位学姐的指点。</p>
<h1 id="毛概课"><a href="#毛概课" class="headerlink" title="毛概课"></a>毛概课</h1><p>毛概课真是笑死我了，老师讲了很多段子。还和我们分享了他的理论——“央企是太太生的，地方企业是姨太太生的，乡镇企业是丫鬟生的，民企是婊子生的”。和我们剖析了一下国际局势，教了我们一点如何从社会生活的细节去判断政局的走向，比如“两国开战，必然先断绝经济、交通往来，广泛争取国际支持，逮捕敌国侨民，撤回我国侨民、留学生，冻结敌国在我国资产，撤回我国在敌国资产”，如果没有发生（比如钓鱼岛事件时期的中日）那是不可能打起来的。</p>
<h1 id="to-do"><a href="#to-do" class="headerlink" title="to do"></a>to do</h1><ul>
<li>想写个编译器</li>
<li>继续学习QC啊</li>
<li>项目要动手了</li>
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                <a class="post-title-link" href="/2019/03/08/致初三的我/" itemprop="url">致初三的我</a></h1>
        

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            <p>致初三的我：</p>
<p>如果你按照现在的状态走下去的话，事情会这样子：</p>
<p>你高中没有好好学竞赛，你的发小拿了铜牌去北航了，你省一滚粗了。你的自招都没有拿到，高考考得很一般，裸分去了从未听过的地大。悲剧的是，你大学打了两年竞赛，也还只是个区域赛铜牌而已。</p>
<p>你会和你从小喜欢的姑娘成为好朋友，但是她不喜欢你，你给她送的许多礼物她不会有回应，在你表白一年之后会若无其事地和你聊天。你会喜欢上很多姑娘，但是她们都不喜欢你。</p>
<p>你很懒，做事情拖拖拉拉，优柔寡断，你有远大的志向，但是不能结合实际付出行动。若不能改变，你会一生都活在自己的悲哀中。</p>
<p>非常地遗憾，说实话，你21岁时是个三流大学里的二流学生呢，还是挺惨的。</p>
<p>如果要我送你一句话的话：你的余生都要非常非常拼命地努力，无论当下是否迷茫，请不要停下脚步。</p>

          
        
      
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            <h1 id="summary"><a href="#summary" class="headerlink" title="summary"></a>summary</h1><p>今天基本看完了诸多研究领域的简介，大致构建了我现在对cs这个广阔领域的认知。</p>
<p>我<del>可能</del>需要尽快找到研究机会。</p>
<h1 id="detail"><a href="#detail" class="headerlink" title="detail"></a>detail</h1><ul>
<li>昨天睡得很晚，上午迟到了。不过没有错过点名。David的课实在是很烂，不过他自己也知道。。。。</li>
<li>和周长兵老师交流了一番，他表示QC国内比较冷门，因为曲高和寡。本科生入门科研基本上只有跟着老师做一条路走，自己看论文找想法不现实。</li>
<li>软件工程做的东西实在是有点浪费时间？</li>
<li>宝石学的课给我示范了什么叫做优秀的课程。老师能把很严肃的知识讲得如此生动，因为他有极其丰富的实践的经验，课本里的每一章节都能给你讲一堆故事出来。他能让你意识到这些知识是活生生的，从现实中产生的，而不是躺在教科书上的。今天学习了一波鉴定宝石的原理，需要整理一下。</li>
</ul>
<h1 id="to-do"><a href="#to-do" class="headerlink" title="to do"></a>to do</h1><ul>
<li>花1h把综述整理好</li>
<li>努力学习</li>
</ul>

          
        
      
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            <p>今天搭了diary。非常痛苦，因为nginx不熟悉，试图在一台服务器上建两个站失败了。如果查一查nginx的文档并在本地测试一下可能可以解决。</p>
<p>为了完成赌约，先用github.io和hexo凑合了。</p>
<p>over。</p>
<p>参考资料：    </p>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.cnblogs.com/liuxianan/p/build-blog-website-by-hexo-github.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://www.cnblogs.com/liuxianan/p/build-blog-website-by-hexo-github.html</a></li>
<li><a href="https://hexo.io/zh-cn/docs" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://hexo.io/zh-cn/docs</a></li>
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            <p>Welcome to <a href="https://hexo.io/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Hexo</a>! This is your very first post. Check <a href="https://hexo.io/docs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">documentation</a> for more info. If you get any problems when using Hexo, you can find the answer in <a href="https://hexo.io/docs/troubleshooting.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">troubleshooting</a> or you can ask me on <a href="https://github.com/hexojs/hexo/issues" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GitHub</a>.</p>
<h2 id="Quick-Start"><a href="#Quick-Start" class="headerlink" title="Quick Start"></a>Quick Start</h2><h3 id="Create-a-new-post"><a href="#Create-a-new-post" class="headerlink" title="Create a new post"></a>Create a new post</h3><figure class="highlight bash"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre><span class="line">1</span><br></pre></td><td class="code"><pre><span class="line">$ hexo new <span class="string">"My New Post"</span></span><br></pre></td></tr></table></figure>
<p>More info: <a href="https://hexo.io/docs/writing.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Writing</a></p>
<h3 id="Run-server"><a href="#Run-server" class="headerlink" title="Run server"></a>Run server</h3><figure class="highlight bash"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre><span class="line">1</span><br></pre></td><td class="code"><pre><span class="line">$ hexo server</span><br></pre></td></tr></table></figure>
<p>More info: <a href="https://hexo.io/docs/server.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Server</a></p>
<h3 id="Generate-static-files"><a href="#Generate-static-files" class="headerlink" title="Generate static files"></a>Generate static files</h3><figure class="highlight bash"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre><span class="line">1</span><br></pre></td><td class="code"><pre><span class="line">$ hexo generate</span><br></pre></td></tr></table></figure>
<p>More info: <a href="https://hexo.io/docs/generating.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Generating</a></p>
<h3 id="Deploy-to-remote-sites"><a href="#Deploy-to-remote-sites" class="headerlink" title="Deploy to remote sites"></a>Deploy to remote sites</h3><figure class="highlight bash"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre><span class="line">1</span><br></pre></td><td class="code"><pre><span class="line">$ hexo deploy</span><br></pre></td></tr></table></figure>
<p>More info: <a href="https://hexo.io/docs/deployment.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Deployment</a></p>

          
        
      
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